The Powerful Others
If you conceptualize your mind has having many different characters meeting in an executive boardroom, each part contributes to our actions and behaviors. We can have an inner Mother or Father, or inner judge and inner rebel which often are at odds with each other, which can cause considerable internal stress that can leave us feeling stuck and very conflicted. Our true self is the CEO of our being, but it can be overridden by one of these other actors. While each part is part of our whole being, when they don’t get along, that inner conflict can make life difficult.
If you’ve ever wondered why therapists so frequently ask about a person’s Mom or Dad, it’s usually because of how powerful their role in forming their child’s psyche can be. But it goes far beyond just Moms or Dads. It’s anyone who had a powerful effect on our lives. This can include siblings, teachers, babysitters, coaches, or bosses, even if those people were only in our lives briefly.
If you’ve been accused of acting “just like your mother/father” it’s usually from us mimicking their behaviors that they modeled for us. Sometimes that can be infuriating to hear. Gestalt work explores these actors in our brain and how they might be affecting us subconsciously. Psychological defenses such as Projections, Interjects, Retroflection, and Confluence show up as a sort of “psychological malware” when we encounter something too painful for our egos to tolerate leading to inauthentic behaviors. In other words, you may be subconsciously living a lie based on someone else’s way they showed up in your life, not realizing you might have been able to make different choices.
When a person is in an existential crisis, Gestalt Therapy can help by exploring how those “Powerful Others” are affecting us. If you are feeling lost, don’t know who you are anymore, or don’t know how to be in the world, it can be incredibly painful. Depression and or Anxiety may be some of the symptoms you frequently feel. It can also be incredibly hard to describe to someone who hasn’t gone through it. This can make us feel isolated and alone even if we have plenty of good people around us. Usually though, this is our ego that is in pain and the existential crisis is not nearly as unique as we may think it is.
One important note: This is type of therapy is NOT about passing blame or making excuses. It is about realizing contributing factors to our behaviors as we deal with problems. When we blame, we give our power away. Taking responsibility gives us power. But in some cases, it can be about not taking responsibility for something that is not our fault and shouldn’t be our job to fix. Balance is key.
Those of you who are often perpetual fixers and overdo helping others to the point of self-abandonment can benefit from this type of therapy. People who tend to be predatory love the fixers as they enable their bad behaviors to continue while the fixer is eventually drained to the point of exhaustion, depression, or exasperation. If that is you, schedule today and begin taking your own power back as you build a stronger you.